Switch
by yourholiness
Summary: An unexpected phone call from Near prompts Mello to wonder how different his life might have been if Near's and Matt's positions were switched. Matt/Mello, hypothetical Mello/Near


Matt heard the plastic clash of the phone crashing back into the receiver and glanced up from the Nintendo DS held snugly in his hands. Mello was fuming at a level that was clearly a bit higher than the average, which could only mean one thing. "Near?" Matt asked as casually as possible.

Mello gave a short nod, lips pressed angrily together. He was too furious to speak actual words at the moment, so he opted to keep his mouth shut. For once, he was unwilling to lash out at Matt in order to vent his anger. Normally, he wouldn't hesitate to do just that, but it seemed wrong now. He was so consumed by fury at Near that it would be an injustice to unleash his anger on anyone other than the little twat himself.

Unfortunately, he had no idea where Near was hiding. In fact, he had no idea how Near had even gotten a hold of the phone number at Mello's and Matt's apartment. Come to think of it, it was quite impressive that Matt had been able to figure out that it had been Near on the phone, considering the fact that Mello hadn't spoken to Near in years. He would have to try to remember to mention it to Matt when he was in a better mood.

Matt didn't say anything else. Mello wasn't sure if he was grateful or if he wished Matt _would_ say something. On the one hand, he didn't want to have to explain the conversation. On the other, in the silence, all Mello would do was play it over and over again in his head. If it could even be _called_ a conversation – and Mello was pretty sure that it couldn't, since the word "conversation" implied that two people were exchanging remarks. That wasn't the way it had happened at all.

Mello had answered the phone the way he usually did: without saying a word. The way he saw it, anyone dialing his number would know who he was, and if they were too stupid to realize when the ringing stopped that someone had picked up the phone, then Mello didn't want to waste his time with them anyway.

The first thing he heard was, "Mello." (Case in point.) "Don't hang up." Mello paused, his finger hovering over the "Off" button. He may not have heard him speak for several years, but Mello knew that voice – and he was quite content to try to forget it, thank you very much. Still, he'd always been a bit too curious for his own good. He didn't hang up the phone.

"I have a proposition, Mello," Near said when he was apparently satisfied that Mello wasn't going to cut him off. Mello couldn't hold back a snort at Near's word choice, but he stayed silent otherwise. "I want to work with you on the Kira case. Your way of thinking is different from my own; I believe that we would make a good…team, of sorts." He waited, as if to make sure that Mello wasn't going to say anything. When he didn't, Near continued. "Your creativity paired with my ability to reason without letting my emotions get in the way would make us, forgive the cliché, a force to be reckoned with." Near stopped again, presumably to wait for Mello's answer. Mello, of course, didn't even want to justify Near's request with a response.

"Fine," Near said, his tone clipped, "I am afraid I will have to take your silence as a no. It is unfortunate." There was another long pause. Mello was beginning to consider hanging up again, when Near said, "I heard that you made contact with Matt." Mello tensed immediately. Near had always seemed…particularly cruel towards Matt, in his passive-aggressive sort of way. It used to be that it didn't bother Mello at all, but he wasn't so sure that would be the case now – now that Matt had come to him when he called, even after four years of not hearing from him, and helped to bring him back to full strength after the explosion, and agreed to put himself in a position that could easily get him killed, all for Mello's sake. Mello may have been callous, unwilling to express his emotions, and even a little bit cruel at times, but even he couldn't bear it if Near said anything bad about Matt now.

"I must admit," Near went on, "that I am slightly surprised that you would want to work with him rather than me. But I do understand it. It's because he was third. We both know, Mello, that the only reason you refuse to cooperate with me is that I've always been better than you at almost everything. Yet, you work with Matt who was always just behind you at Wammy's. If our positions were switched, mine and Matt's, it would be Matt who you refused to work with, and me who you –" Near stopped short, perhaps thinking better of what he'd been about to say. Mello didn't find out what the end of his sentence was going to be, though, because that was when he finally did hang up.

Matt didn't press the issue. If he'd been the least bit curious about what Near had had to say, he didn't let it show. But he could tell that it was bothering Mello. Over the course of the next few days, Mello hardly said a word. Matt didn't think Mello yelled at him once – not _once_. He yelled at just about everything else, of course, but not at Matt. And there was something else that was unusual about the way he was acting, too: he stayed by himself almost all the time.

Now, Matt knew that Mello liked to think of himself as being independent. He didn't need anyone, let alone some gamer-geek whose intellect was far inferior to Mello's own. Matt understood that, and accepted it. But he knew something about Mello that he doubted even Mello knew, and that was that Mello needed to be close to somebody.

When Mello woke up in the morning, he woke Matt up, too. He dragged him into the kitchen for breakfast, and then out into the living area to get to work. During the day's labors, they never sat more than five feet apart. Then, when Matt had done about as much work as he could handle, Mello would drag him back to the bed they shared and…well, Matt didn't feel that he needed to explain the closeness they practiced there.

Mello had always been that way, even at Wammy's. And Matt knew that Mello was the same way when he hadn't been around. He knew that someone in the mafia must have taken his place as the body that Mello always kept close by. Mello didn't like to think that he needed anyone, and he didn't in some ways, but Mello couldn't be alone. That was a fact that Matt knew, the way he knew that his shirt was striped.

And yet, after Near's call, Mello made sure to stay as far away from Matt as possible. He left Matt asleep in the morning, ate breakfast by himself, and told Matt to work in the bedroom. Matt did as he was instructed, of course, but he had to admit that he was a little hurt. But he pushed that to the side and realized that, more than anything, he was worried for Mello. What could Near possibly have said that would upset Mello enough to change his daily routine? Such a thing was almost unheard of. Near had always had more of an effect on Mello than he would have liked to admit, but Mello had never let the little freak bother him quite this much.

Mello had hoped that Matt hadn't noticed the changes in his behavior. Matt usually spent so much time playing his video games that Mello doubted it, at least at first. But when he thought about the way he'd been acting lately, he didn't think that even Matt could be completely oblivious to it.

The truth was, the past few days had been hell for Mello, if for no other reason than the fact that it was difficult to get frustrated with Matt when he was always in another room. He couldn't yell as much, there was nothing to hit, and he couldn't ever pull out his gun unless he wanted to point it at his own head. But he just couldn't stand to be near Matt.

And it was all Near's fault.

Near. The stupid little…Mello didn't even have a word bad enough for Near, and he had a pretty extensive vocabulary, if he did say so himself. Every time Mello got close to Matt, it was as if the redhead would morph into Near before his very eyes. Mello couldn't think of anything more mortifying, and he tried to get the image from his head, but it was no use. Near's words would not leave him alone. All he could think about was the idea of Near and Matt switching places.

His first reaction to what Near had said was anger because he knew it wasn't true. He would never feel about Near the way he felt about Matt. Never. But then he began to wonder… Mello always had been competitive, and as much as he hated to admit it, Near had a point – the basis of his hatred toward the boy was that he'd been number one at Wammy's House, always just one step ahead of Mello. Sure, that wasn't the _only_ reason that Mello couldn't stand Near, but it was enough to make him doubt.

That little shred of doubt had been enough to make Mello want to avoid all contact with Matt, the only person in his life who'd ever given a shit about him. But even that hadn't always been enough. Even while Matt was working (or, more likely, playing video games despite Mello's orders) in the bedroom and Mello was in the living room, images of Near in Matt's clothes would pop into his head – or Near playing Matt's DS, or Near smoking a cigarette, or Near with his cheeks the pretty pink color that Matt's got to be when Mello decided he was feeling generous after a long day's work.

On the few occasions when Mello wasn't picturing Near in Matt's place, he was thinking about what Near might have said if he'd continued his last sentence. _If our positions were switched, mine and Matt's, it would be Matt who you refused to work with, and me who you –_ what? Cooperated with? Fucked? _Loved_?

Mello shuddered to think.

He hated knowing that he was letting Near bother him this much, but what could he do? Every time he tried to tell himself to forget about it, that Near was just messing with his head and that he was letting him win, he would wonder…what if Near _had_ been third and Matt first? Would he hate Matt with the same intensity with which he hated Near? He might have. And therefore, wouldn't it be Near in this apartment with him now? Wouldn't it have been Near that Mello played with at Wammy's, Near who he called when he finally managed to get enough strength back in his fingers to dial the number? Wouldn't it have been Near sharing his bed every night?

It was driving Mello crazy. He couldn't do anything the way he normally would. He could barely look at Matt anymore, he couldn't get any work done at all. He'd never been so frustrated and angry in his life (and yeah, even he knew that that was saying something), and with nowhere to direct it, all he could do was let it build up.

At night, he would turn away from Matt and ignore him or push him away if he tried anything. Naturally, this just led to more tension the next day. And of course, Mello couldn't even jack off because every time he tried, Near would pop into his head with one of those cold little smirks and thwart all of his efforts.

Finally, Matt couldn't take it anymore. Mello had known that Matt would notice that something was wrong eventually, he was just hoping that maybe it would take a little longer. He was not looking forward to explaining the things that had been going on in his head. But when Matt was determined to do something, there was no avoiding him.

"Mello, what is wrong with you?" he asked doggedly on the fifth day after Near called. Mello had been, quite literally, backed into a corner, and he knew that, though he was stronger than he looked, the only time he managed to push Matt around was when he allowed it – he wasn't going anywhere if Matt didn't want him to, and judging by the look on Matt's face, Mello was going to be in that corner until Matt got an answer. "You haven't been acting normally since that phone call from Near."

Mello sighed. So he _had_ noticed. Matt didn't say anything else, and he probably wouldn't until Mello replied. He knew that Mello took it as an insult to his intelligence to be asked a question more than once. He was giving Mello time to formulate a response.

After taking at least two minutes to find the most efficient way of truthfully answering the question (and to make sure that he could say it and remain completely devoid of any visible emotion), Mello began to explain. "Near asked if I wanted to work with him on the Kira case. He got angry, in that emotionless sort of way that he has, when I told him that there wasn't a chance in hell…so he brought up the possibility that if you and he were in switched positions, then it would be you I hate and Near I…" Mello trailed off here, not knowing what to say since he'd never found out what Near had meant either.

"You mean if he was third and I was first?" Mello gave a short nod. Matt didn't even take a second to think it over before pulling Mello into a tight hug. "Jesus Christ, Mello, is that all that's been bothering you? Shit, you had me worried that I'd done something terrible." Mello didn't say anything. He was a tad bit shocked at Matt's reaction and he didn't want to risk sounding stupid.

"Listen to me, Mel," Matt said, lacing his unusually-bare fingers through the hair at the nape of Mello's neck. "There's no use worrying about hypothetical shit like that. The fact of the matter is that it didn't happen that way. I'm too damn lazy to put in the effort anyway. And Near may be smart, but I'm pretty sure that he hasn't invented a time machine. He can't go back and change the way things were at Wammy's, as jealous as he undoubtedly is that I'm here with you and he isn't." Mello didn't say anything. Indeed, at the moment, he didn't feel that he _could_ say anything. He just stood there, counting the stripes on Matt's shirt and feeling his fingers play with his hair.

"And if the reason you've been avoiding me is that you believe what Near said about the two of us switching – that you would hate me instead of Near – well…I don't mind. I mean, I understand if that's how you feel. I love you, Mello, and that isn't going to change if you don't feel the same way, or if you know that you would hate me if things had worked out differently. Hell, I would love you even if you hated me now. I'd probably still follow you around everywhere."

Mello could tell that Matt was done talking now by the way that he was trying to lighten the mood. He pulled away slightly and just looked at the sight before him. Then, without thinking of Near for even a fraction of a second, he yanked Matt forward for a kiss full of five days' worth of repressed craving.

* * *

The next day, when Near called again, Mello was prepared. "Mello," Near said by way of a greeting. "Have you thought about what I said? I've decided to give you a second chance at taking my offer."

"Yes, Near, I've thought about what you said."

"And?"

"And my answer is still what it always has been."

"Even though you know that it isn't really me you hate? That it just as easily could have been Matt who you were having this conversation with now?"

"You're wrong, Near. Even if Matt had been first at Wammy's, I would never hate him. And I would never agree to work with someone as uncaring and manipulative as you."

"Why?"

"Because I'm nothing but another toy to you." Before Near had a chance to say anything else, Mello hung up and disconnected the phone.

_And do you want to know the real reason Near, you self-serving bastard? It's because Matt loves me, and you aren't capable of loving anything – not even your toys._

* * *

Hello there! I hope you enjoyed this. It was very fun to write. It was one of those things that just took on a life of its own. I barely had to think at all. I just typed and this was what came out. This idea has been swimming around in my brain for a while now, so I'm glad to have finally gotten it written. Unfortunately, I'm not entirely pleased with the ending. Let me know what you think?

And I wanted to thank everyone who commented on the last chapter of Seasons. Thank you all so much! I really appreciate it. :)


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